Summary Box
Losing a child shatters the world as you knew it. In this post, Justin Phillips (Overdose Lifeline Founder and CEO) reflects on International Bereaved Mother’s Day, the science of grief, and what bereaved mothers actually need from the people who love them.
International Bereaved Mother’s Day is Sunday, May 3, 2026.
This day is not just another Hallmark Holiday or a routine opportunity to buy gifts and flowers. In fact, many people have never heard of it at all, because grief, especially the loss of a child, is something most of us don’t know how to talk about.
For mothers whose children have died, this day is a chance to have their motherhood honored.
In the words of Angela Miller, “It takes invincible strength to mother a child you can no longer hold, see, touch, or hear.”
Losing a child can be referred to as a shattered world assumption.
Most of us move through life with an unspoken belief about how things are supposed to work. Parents raise their children. Families grow older together. Children outlive us.
We grow up expecting to raise our children, watch them grow older, and see them build lives of their own. We do not expect to bury them.
When a child dies, it breaks the framework that once made life feel predictable and safe. The future you imagined disappears. The story you thought you were living changes, and nothing feels certain in the same way again. This is what it means to live with a shattered world assumption.
For a long time, the ways people respond to that kind of loss have been misunderstood.
Have you ever heard the story of Mary Todd Lincoln? Among many things, she was the wife of Abraham Lincoln.
Mary Todd Lincoln was widely believed to be “insane” or “crazy” because of erratic behavior, interest in the supernatural, extensive spending, and what was described as a ‘very long’ period of mourning. So much so that her son Robert Todd Lincoln had her committed to an asylum in 1875. What is often left out of that story is this: Mary Todd Lincoln lost three children, and her husband was assassinated while sitting beside her.
Her behavior was grief.
When we experience profound loss, our brains shift into survival. Our nervous systems change, sometimes permanently. Many people compare the impacts of grief on the brain to a traumatic brain injury. What may look like instability from the outside is often the mind trying to make sense of something unbearable and find safety again. Grief is not a psychiatric condition easily categorized by a diagnosis using ‘codes’. It is an individualized, traumatic, life-altering experience.
I started this by acknowledging that many of us don’t know how to talk about grief. Through my own experience and my work supporting families navigating loss, I’ve learned that people want to help. They just don’t always know how.
If that’s you, here are a few meaningful ways to show up:
- Call or write her a note and let her know you remember she is a mother
- Ask about their child
- Recall your own favorite memory of their child
- Gift a massage
- Make a donation in their child’s name to a nonprofit connected to their life or loss
- Share a framed photo they may not have seen before
Bereaved mothers are not broken, and platitudes don’t help.
We are still mothers.
We need to hear our child’s name, often, sometimes daily, until we don’t need to hear it as often. We need people to ask about our child and give us grace when we just need to cry
Take a moment to remember us. Say our children’s names.
And if you are a bereaved mother reading this, I’m sorry you are living with this loss too.
