As I sit here and write this brief story, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I shouldn’t be alive today- yet, here I am able to share my experience, strength, and hope on a daily basis.
I spent 20+ years in addiction, and over the years I would have stints of abstinence (usually due to incarceration).
It all started at a very early age for me- and what I later discovered, was that it was the result of trauma in my life. Having coping skills is a learned behavior/action, and I didn’t learn about those until later in life. My addiction took many twists and turns over the years. I found myself in my first impatient treatment at the age of 15 per the court’s request. The years I spent growing up should have been spent having fun and making memories. Instead, there was little fun, and the memories weren’t nice. My behavior outwardly matched what I had going on inside- confusion, pain, trauma, loneliness, and feeling broken and lost. A lot of time I felt like a burden and that I had no place or purpose in the world. Which led me to fall deeper and deeper into my addiction as time went on.
I found myself in and out of detoxes and rehabs, institutions and jail/prison. I almost found death- as I have overdosed countless times, and Naloxone saved multiple times. I wasn’t able to be the daughter, mother, sister, or friend that I knew I could be, and truly wanted to be. Addiction, along with guilt and shame, completely ruled my life. I cannot ever get that time back. Today, I am at peace with it, because I chose to accept myself and own my story. My life looks completely different today. When I come across a person who didn’t know the ‘old me’ and speak about my past, I hear time and again, it’s so hard for them to believe. My life is proof that hard work, determination, perseverance, and good choices can make a difference. Today I have a beautiful life that far exceeds anything I could’ve hoped for, because I choose recovery. I had finally become enough, my freedom had finally become enough, and my family had finally become enough. The story of my yesterday’s continue to inspire not only myself, but those I share my experience, strength, and hope with. I couldn’t ask for more.
With my work, I have been placed in the ultimate position to give back, and I love it. Today, I get to live life!
I no longer have to dread my days and search for an escape- I start the day with gratitude and look forward to new adventures. I am comfortable in my own skin. Finally, I know I have a purpose in life. I get to be that loving daughter, present mother, caring sister, and reliable friend. I spend time reaching out to others who are where I once was, to let them know there’s a better life. Today I have life, because I finally found freedom!