Missing my Mom

I was awoken at 1130 pm on the night before Mother’s Day and the day after my bday to a call by my mothers boyfriends parents that I needed to get there quick all I was told is that it wasn’t good and I needed to come now! I felt a twist in my gut and knew it was bad and rushed across town to the house where my mother had been staying a few weeks with her boyfriend who was also in active addiction when I got there I ran around back to the carport where the ambulance and police were to find my mother laying on the concrete of the carport covered by a white sheet! My heart sank I dropped to my knees by her side and immediately pulled the sheet back to see my lifeless mother laying there and grabbed her hand and just started to ask her what did she do and she was cold and everyone was just standing around all I wanted to do was scream at them to do something knowing there was nothing they could do and I started praying to God to forgive her she didn’t deserve to go she was only 47 years old she had so much life to live still she was everything to me even thru her addiction she was the most loving mother and grandmother she could be and I idolized her more than she could ever know! It’s been 5 months now and I still can’t accept that she is gone her death made me open my eyes to my own addictions but I still wish dearly I could talk to her I still pray and wonder if she can hear me and feel my thoughts! I miss her so much! I’m left with this hurt in my heart and a fear of death that I’ve never had before!

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